Shopping on Taobao

 Welcome to Taobao Shopping 101.  It will be a crash course.  Time will not allow for the full program. 

Here is the opening screen.  What would you like to buy?

Here is the syllabus:  

1--How to navigate Taobao as a foreigner.

2--Troubleshooting

3--Small print, warnings, caveats, cautions, etc.

How: 

📸 Shop by picture.  Function like you are in kindergarten because can't read anything and hope nothing too disastrous happens.

🛒 Find something you like, add it to your cart or click instant purchase.  

💰Click the purchase icon and authorize the payment.  Easy Peasy.  Be prepared to receive 81 messages per item ordered--just kidding, it's probably only like 7.  You get one every time it changes courier's hands, from both Alipay and Taobao.  Some places send you a separate text message in addition to the ones from Taobao and Alipay and sometimes the courier calls you.  They like to keep you really up to date here.

🚚Watch the tracking across China.   Everything is delivered via truck because they are all individual shop owners so there are no warehouses like Amazon has. When you open up the tracking you can see your truck crossing China and the distance it has traveled since the last time you looked at it.  It's kind of cool.

Near Christmas, your truck crossing China looks like a Christmas package. 

When it's out for delivery, it shows a delivery guy (kuai di).

📦 Find your box.  Thankfully we have a package guy for our building who delivers our packages just outside our elevator, but if we're really anxious for it, we go down and look through the shelves of boxes until we find the ones with our name.  We think there are 174 apartments in our building, so depending on the day, that can be quite daunting. Don't be surprised about the packaging.  Remember these are individual sellers who package things up in anyway they can.  Reusing old boxes and padding (ranging from bubble wrap, scrap foam pieces, folded boxes etc.) is very common. In fact, one day Tom was taking our recycling out to the bins and a lady on the elevator asked if he was going to sell it.  When he said no, she took it from him so she could sell it.  They are reusers and recyclers here.

These are all my Christmas decorations waiting for me when I got out of quarantine.

Mashed boxes are quite common, although not usually this bad.

This was an interesting box since it is an American product.  Guess what was in it?  I'll tell you since there is no way you'll ever guess:  Fruit by the Foot.

👐Open your box.  It's always surprising.  Either "Ah, it's just as I expected."  Or "Oh, I never expected this....."  The latter is more often the case.  That is why it's a surprise both ways.  (more on that below)

An example. I ordered some microwave popcorn. Costco brand.  

Here is what I got:

The box was torn down the side.  The "not labeled for individual sale" is not a thing here.

💸Pay the merchant. After you receive your package, make sure you acknowledge you received it.  This finalizes the sale.  Your payment doesn't go through until you have done this.

Troubleshooting:

🐇Shopping by pictures leads you down many rabbit holes.  Learn the back button.  Swipe back, and back and back and back until you get to the screen where you finally recognize 3 of the 21 icons and try again.  

📲When in a pinch, a screenshot then translate.  I've never taken so many screen shots in my life.  Guarantee I beat you in this department.  Maybe all of you put together.  (That might tell you how many pinches I get in.....) I'm so thankful for the translating apps, I'm not sure how people navigated living in China without them, but it is such a headache to have to go through this process to buy much of anything on Taobao. But on occasion you should translate just for fun because you get good laughs (Look at the name of the shoe):

🧠Get to know this icon:  

This will contact the seller.  Typing in English sometimes helps and the seller is kind and really tries to help you, other times it gets you in trouble and you get told off because "You can't even speak Chinese".

👄Learn to speak with "dear" "baby" "kiss" type of language.  It gets you farther.  "Dear seller, My baby hasn't arrived yet.  Could you please kiss it?  Love, Darcee"  Almost all communications with sellers contain these words.  I get a good chuckle every time.

Small print, warnings, caveats, cautions, etc.

👁👁What you see is not what you get or "WYSINWYG" for short.  It's my new idea for rebranding Taobao.  I'm pretty sure it will hit the ground running.   

I ordered this:

This shows up. (I should have done the screen translate to see the size...)

This has happened several, several times, but I apparently haven't documented them with photos, so you just get to take my word for it..... That is too bad, because we've had some really good laughs.

🎁Sometimes your package never arrives.

💥Sometimes your item just disappears out of your purchased list.

💫Sometimes your package doesn't arrive for 3 months and you forget you even ordered it.

🍁Sometimes you get messages from people in Canada or Australia or New York asking if you're absolutely sure you want the item because it will not be returnable.

The bottom line:  Taobao is a free for all.  You can find nearly everything you want (except an electric knife...)  plus a boat load of other puzzling items.  Taobao could be hours of entertainment looking at all of the items they are trying to sell you if you let it. But beware, ANYTHING you look at, you will get a boatload of similar items for your scrolling pleasure for your upcoming Taobao visits.  Here are just a few for your viewing pleasure.  I translated one for you.  You're welcome.

Note, the scooter coverings are only about $5.  What a steal.

Taobao translates into "seeking treasure". Treasure? I'm not too sure about that one. But I'll give it that it does take quite a bit of tenacious 'seeking' to find what you really want--and then it might not be what you really want.  But regardless of what Taobao is, I do think it is a matter of survival here in China. You can't find things you use in your everyday life in stores here, so navigating Taoboa is a must-have skill.  Good luck, may your crash course serve you well!